The Powers of Inebriation
by MistyRiver
Summary: A thoroughly random little oneshot involving... a wookie and a lot of drink. Just... just read it, okay? I was possibly on a sugar high when I wrote this...


**Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars or anything to do with it. Man, I wish I did, but I don't. OK? Happy now? Don't sue me! Please! I want to live!**

**The Powers of Inebriation**

Han Solo stretched his arms above his head and yawned widely. "Ah, that was good. How long have we been here? Oh. Too long. I really need to freshen up. Please excuse me for a moment." He said, giving Leia Organa-_Solo _a cheesy grin as he left the cockpit. "Chewie, take the controls for a while."

Chewie growled a hazy affirmative and settled back into his seat. Han, Leia and Chewbacca were in the _Millennium Falcon, _getting back home from a short trip to visit some of Leia's high-up friends. Leia watched Han retreating down the corridor and looked back at Chewbacca. There was something wrong with the Wookiee and she knew it, but she wasn't quite sure what. She decided to leave it and curled up a little tighter in her recliner, yawning. It _had _been a long night. Maybe she should go back to her bunk… nah, she was nearly asleep now anyway…

"CHEWIE!"

Chewie turned around and gaharrred, forgetting the controls completely. Leia shrieked and jumped across him, pulling at the lever for the forward repulsors, stopping the ship only a few metres short of the magnetic atmosphere of a huge planet and spinning round to hurtle in the opposite direction. "CHEWIE!"

Chewie turned his head back towards Leia, groaning. His head hurt. Really bad. What was he doing here again? Oh, yeah, piloting the ship. The ship!!! He squeaked and pushed Leia out of the way again. _Hey lady, the captain told me to pilot the ship! _He growled in more than slightly slurred Wookiee.

"YEAH, WELL I DON'T EXACTLY _SEE _YOU ADHERING TO THE CAPTAIN'S INSTRUCTIONS, MISTER!!!"

_Don't you try shouting at me, missy!!! _He slurred, pointing his huge hairy finger accusingly to an area several metres to the left of Leia's head.

Leia shook her head disbelievingly, her mouth hanging open, and turned slowly back to her chair, still shaking her head.

_So there!!!_ Chewie cried triumphantly. He swung back round, grinning hysterically.

"CHEWIE!!!"

"ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!"

Han burst through the door. "Chewie, would you, by_ any_ stretch of the imagination, know where all my Alderaanian whiskey is?" He didn't seem to notice Leia sitting in the corner of the cockpit staring at him.

Chewie closed his eyes tight and tried to think clearly. Alderaanian whiskey? Er… oh yeah! _Now _he remembered. Wow. _That's_ the stuff I was drinking? Well, now I know never to go to Alderaan for a booze-up. It tasted like some horrible form of dilutedBantha-dung!

Chewie shivered and looked back at Han again, with slightly fuzzy eyes. Han's face was red and his temples were throbbing._ Hey, old buddy old pal, why you look so sad?_ Chewie cried, getting up and slinging his arm around Han's shoulders, completely forgetting that, for one, Alderaan had been blown up nearly ten years ago, and, secondly, that Han looked ready to murder him.

"CHEWIE!!!!!!!!" Han screamed again. "YOU DAMN FOOL! YOU _KNOW _YOU CAN'T DRINK THAT STUFF! Now my drink's gone, it's all _ruined_…"

"Your drink?" Leia repeated quietly, looking straight at Han. "What's been ruined? Oh, man, what have you done now?"

"Uhhh…" Han swung around to face her and flicked his eyes around the room, looking for a quick escape. After a moment, the same old lop-sided smile slipped onto his mouth. "Well, honey, you know how you always get so stressed on these looooong trips? Well, I, uh, took the liberty of…um… _installing_ a little something to cheer you up a bit, you know, when you get a little-bit-saaaadddd!" He waffled, grinning cheesily and clearly just saying anything that came into his head.

"Oh yes? And what would this something be?"

"Oh, ya know, just a little thing, to, ah, give you a little lift!" Han was swinging merrily from side to side and clearly had no intention of telling her what the 'thing' was. "Hehehe…um…ah…yup!"

"Han, you know you've got to tell me sometime!" She crooned, grinning sweetly. "Come on, tell me what you got me."

"Well, it's a… a…surprise! Yes, a surprise! I ain't gonna tell ya until your… our… Anniversary! Yup, I won't say nothing until we've been married a month." He was evidently pretty pleased with himself for thinking this up so quickly.

"Darling…"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"We got married two months ago."

"Dammit!"

"You forgot?"

Han looked down shamefully and mumbled something Leia couldn't hear.

"Sorry, babe, didn't hear that."

He glanced up at her. "Yes. I'm sorry." He looked down again and braced himself for her rebuke.

"Aw, it's okay, honey, come here."

She held out her arms and Han shuffled over awkwardly, quite surprised, and gave her a little hug. "I really didn't mean to, you know."

"Really, it's alright. It's actually quite a good thing, 'cos now you can tell me what you got me!"

_Damn. _Sympathy. It got him every time. _Every _time.

"But darling…"

"But what?" She knew fine well what he had done, but she wanted to relish the moment he told her. "You know, it's better if you just tell me now."

"Well… okay. Come with me."

Han led Leia out of the room, staring daggers at Chewie as he left. The alcohol was still having full effect on the Wookie, who promptly fell asleep. Luckily, Leia had put the _Falcon_ on autopilot when she had realised what was wrong with Chewie. She followed Han into a small room a little bit down the corridor. "Now, remember that last stop-over we took? I ran into a couple of guys I had worked with, oh, a long, long time ago, and they agreed to help me with this little bit of diversification…so…" He covered her eyes for a moment, then led her round a corner and…

"Ta-daaaaa!!!!!!"

"WHAT?????????????"

Leia's scream woke Chewbacca abruptly. He leapt up and bounded down the corridor to see what was going on. He banged into a few walls on the way, but managed to get to the room in one piece, in the end. He swung his head round the corner. _Helloooooooooooo!!!_ He whooped. The sight that met his eyes was _not_ very pretty.

Han was cowering nervously in a corner while Leia rampaged through the drinks cabinets of the small bar, pulling out the glasses and bottles of whiskey, gin, rum… pretty much every alcoholic beverage you could get, throwing bottles in Han's direction with no warning, screaming random words and abusive phrases at him, insulting him, his friends, his family…

"YOU DAMN PUNK! YOU _KNOW _I CAN'T _STAND _YOU WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK! I MAY DO SOMETHING RATHER UNPLEASANT TO YOU, _AND _YOUR STUPID LITTLE HAIRBALL! I HAVE FRIENDS IN SOME PRETTY DAMN HIGH PLACES… I_ AM_ IN A HIGH PLACE!" and so on, in pretty much the same range.

"But baby… eek!... I can get it all taken out! Next time we stop over we can get it all taken out! Every last bit of it! I swear, honey, _please_… agh!... _PLEASE!!!_"

"YOU," …one bottle smashed against the wall… "STUPID," …another… "BANTHA-DUNG," … and another…quite close to his head this time… "NERF-BRAINED," …a fourth… "IDIOTIC," …well, she was kind of annoyed!... "SELFISH," … and so it went on.

"Please, CHEWIE!!! HELP ME!"

Chewie surveyed the scene before him. He studied Leia's face as closely as he could while under the influence and decided that, judging by the size her eyes and temples were starting to reach, it might be better if he just got out of the way as fast as he could. _Er… have a good night, buddy!_ He spun and lumbered back down the corridor, leaving Han screaming behind him.

**The next morning…**

Chewbacca woke with a start and looked around blearily. _Arghhh, my head,_ he groaned, rubbing his eyes. He couldn't ever remember having a hangover like this. It took a heck of a lot of alcohol to get a Wookiee drunk, but then again, Alderaanian Whiskey was pretty strong stuff. And he had drunk Han's whole supply. All four cabinets of it. Han really liked that stuff. Eurgh. It tasted terrible… but it was really quite addictive. _More! More!_

Chewie moaned and rolled over. The last thing Han needed right now was an alcoholic Wookiee on his ship with that prima donna strutting around like she owned the place. He liked Leia, he really did… but, well, she _was _a woman, and that's what they did. Maybe he should just stay out of her way until she fizzed down a bit.

He stretched and crawled out of his bunk. He crept up the corridor to the cockpit, still a bit unsteady and clutching his head as if scared his brain might fall out, and found Han crouched over the controls, his eyes rimmed with red and his hair everywhere.

"_Ssshhh_," Han whispered, still seeming a bit scared as he stared up at the Wookiee. "I got her calmed down enough last night for her to go to bed, but whatever you do, _don't go near her_ till I get that bar outta here. I dismantled some of it last night and threw it out the garbage chute, but there's still enough for here for her to blow her nut at. Just… I dunno… stay out of her way." He gave Chewie a tight-lipped smile and hunched up over the board again.

Chewie rolled his eyes, nodded and tiptoed out of the room as quietly as he could. He had thought Han would never break, and certainly never over a woman. _Sigh. Human _and_ a woman. Not a good combination _he thought as he curled back into bed for some well deserved recovery.

**A.N:** This story just kind of appeared out of the blue, but please, please review and tell me what ya think! Thanks to Sweetdeath04 and my mum, who helped me work out what forward repulsors do (and I still don't even know if there is such a thing- or if this is what they do!) Thanks you guys xoxo! Luv ya! **MistyRiver ;-**


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